A Most Reasonable Proposal
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a society unburdened by disease is a danger to itself. We stand at the edge of catastrophe, staring into a world where illnesses once celebrated for their vital role in population control are vanishing. Polio, measles, smallpox—these noble afflictions, once culling the weak and fortifying the strong, have been rudely eradicated by the relentless march of science. Is this truly the world we want? A world where childhood lacks struggle, where preventable illness no longer reminds us of our mortality?
Thankfully, a bold resistance has emerged. More among us are rejecting the dubious wisdom of “medical professionals” in favor of intuition, ancestral remedies, and, most crucially, the unimpeachable insights of social media. These pioneers labor to restore balance, ensuring no public health effort goes unchallenged.
But progress is slow, and there is more work to do. If we are to reclaim the natural harmony of unchecked disease, we must act. I propose a simple solution: a nationwide initiative to reintroduce the grand old diseases of yesteryear.
Let smallpox roam free once more, reviving its proud tradition of character-building pustules. Let pertussis return to the lungs of infants, instilling resilience from birth. Let polio reclaim its former glory, a humbling reminder that nature, not man, dictates human mobility.
This initiative serves three essential purposes. First, it will end our dangerous dependence on “preventative medicine.” No longer will the masses cower behind herd immunity; they will embrace nature’s design. Second, it will restore Darwinian selection, ensuring only the robust survive. Third, and most importantly, it will free us from the tyranny of public health mandates, placing personal conviction above sterile scientific decrees.
Some may object, claiming this will cause suffering. But what is suffering if not life’s greatest teacher? Have we not coddled our children enough? Have we not, in our arrogance, denied them the chance to test their mettle against an honest disease?
No longer shall we suffocate in the embrace of safety. No longer shall we surrender our freedoms at the altar of medicine. It is time to reclaim our health—by surrendering it entirely to nature’s wise and merciless hand.
Let us cast off the shackles of modernity! Let us restore the noble afflictions of old! Let us, at long last, be free from the oppression of wellness!