This is a message for anyone who gets invited to a group Signal chat by a government official.

Congratulations. You’ve just been drafted into a situation that can end your career, compromise national security, and possibly get you subpoenaed.

Do not click “accept.”

Do not pretend that “end-to-end encryption” makes it okay.

We regret to inform you that Signal may be secure, but the people using it are not.

If You’re Not Cleared, Get the Hell Out

Let’s review:

In a recent real-world case of national clownery, Trump administration officials created a Signal chat to discuss a live military strike on the Houthis. The kind of thing that should happen in a secure room, with clearances and oversight and some semblance of professional responsibility.

But instead, they texted it. In a group chat. With emojis.

With a reporter from The Atlantic accidentally included.

Dumbasses.

Let’s say that again: a journalist—a civilian with no clearance and no role in military planning—was looped into a discussion about an upcoming U.S. strike.

Not by mistake of the app.

By mistake of the people running your government.

So, if you get that ping—“Mike added you to ‘Yemen Strike Planning’”—don’t smile. Don’t respond. Don’t type “lol.”

Put the phone down and walk away.

This Isn’t Transparency. It’s Incompetence Dressed in Denim and Flag Pins.

This is the kind of thing that happens when people who think governing is performance art get their hands on real power.

They believe Signal is a safe space for plotting.

They believe secrecy and seriousness are for suckers.

They believe your participation makes you part of the “in” crowd—until you’re the one holding the bag when it all goes sideways.

And guess what? When it does go sideways, they won’t remember adding you.

They won’t remember the message.

They won’t remember anything.

Just ask Donald Trump, who responded to questions about this exact incident with a blank-faced, “I don’t know anything about it.”

Or ask Tulsi Gabbard if she was in the chat (she won’t answer) or if they talked about Yemen (she won’t remember) or if any discussing of targets was detailed (she will not recall).

Let’s Review: Basic Rules for Modern Political Survival

1. If your government pals invite you to a Signal chat, ask yourself: Is this legal, ethical, or smart? The answer is probably “none of the above.”

2. If you’re not cleared for the topic, assume you’re the liability.

3. If you’re the one creating the chat? Turn yourself in. Resign immediately. You’re not ready for power and responsibility.

4. If the phrase “this won’t leak” is uttered, prepare to be on the front page.

So if someone in government invites you to a Signal chat about military strikes or foreign policy secrets, understand what’s really happening: you’re being dragged into a clown car with a fuel tank strapped to the roof.

These aren’t master strategists. These are reckless amateurs with security clearances, texting war plans like they’re gossiping at brunch. And if you, a civilian with a functioning brain, choose to climb into that chat—you’re not joining the resistance. You’re volunteering to be the patsy when it all goes to hell.

Don’t be their useful idiot.

Don’t join the group.

Let the clowns burn down their own tent.